she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
