i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
