How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
