having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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