I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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