wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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