i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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