come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
