Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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