Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
