I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
