She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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