I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So squirting runs in the family.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
