He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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