I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
