this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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