It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
