And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
