i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
