if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm at about main and main street
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
