Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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