that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
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Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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