fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
