I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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