This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
