Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
