My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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