The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Randomize
