you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
