There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
