Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
