Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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