After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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