I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
