Your face is a jimmy john
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
