# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
