before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
