When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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