ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
