My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
this boner is exhausting
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
