My brain says no but my pants say off.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
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Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
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I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize