Capitaan dildo arrescate!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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