YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
