Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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