How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
