Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
