I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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