it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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