I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize