when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
