Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
