I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
