her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
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