i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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