are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
