never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
