so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
