i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
