Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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