i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
