My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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