well I can't set my house on fire every night
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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