just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
