I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
