the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
