Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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