Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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