I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
