you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
