Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
