Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
