call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
