Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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