If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
