guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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