some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
