never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
