I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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